Boni´s way (Al estilo de Boni)

This talk of liberation makes me want to go lie down
under the covers 'til the terror of the unknown is gone

I am totally short of breath for you

How soon will I be holy?
How much will this cost guru?
How much longer till you
completely absolve me?

How 'bout getting off of these antibiotics?
How 'bout stopping eating when I'm full up?

Are you still mad that i threw in the towel?
Are you still mad that i gave up long before you did?
Of course you are

I'm in the front row the front row
with popcorn
I get to see you see you close up

I was hoping I was hoping
we could dance together
I was hoping I was hoping
we could be creamy together

Thank you terror
thank you disillusionment
Thank you frailty
thank you consequence
Thank you thank you silence

you were my keeper
you were my anchor
you were my family
you were my saviour
and therein lay the issue
and therein lay the problem

would it be whining if I said
I needed a hug?

how 'bout me not blaming you for everything?
how 'bout me enjoying the moment for once?
how 'bout how good it feels to finally forgive you?
how 'bout grieving it all one at a time?

so here we both are battling similar
demons (not coincidentally)
you see in getting beyond knowing it
solely intellectually you're not relinquishing
your majestry
you are wise you are warm
you are courageous you are big
and I love you more now than I ever have
in my whole life

I've held you up like a deity
like you're the sole owner of wings
this unrequited tunnel vision
and I wonder why I've not been writing

I would not have discredited
every one of their compliments
it was your approval I wanted
your congratulations

Does HE know how you told me you'd hold me
Until you died 'til you died?
But you're still alive!

the moment I let go of it was
the moment I got more than I could handle
the moment I jumped off of it was
the moment I touched down

I'm free but I'm focused
I'm green but I'm wise
I'm hard but I'm friendly baby

several hours and several ways
I'll feast on scraps thrown from you

Don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault

how 'bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out?
how 'bout not equating death with stopping?

I have as much rage as you have
I have as much pain as you do
I've lived as much hell as you have

the truth is whenever I think of the early 90's
your face comes up with a vengeance
like it was yesterday

that I would be good
whether with or without you

let's discuss things in confidence
let's be outspoken let's be ridiculous
let's solve the world's problems

I remember vividly a day years ago
we were camping you knew more than
you thought you should know
you said "I don't want ever to be brainwashed"
and you were mindboggling you were intense
you were uncomfortable in your own skin
you were thirsty but mostly you were beautiful

I realize we won't be able to talk for some time
and I understand that as I do you
the long distance thing was the hardest
and we did as well as we could
we were together during a very tumultuous time
in our lives I will always have your back
and be curious about you and your career
and your whereabouts

I love you when you dance
when you freestyle in trance

you and I we're like four year olds we want to know
why and how come about everything
we want to reveal ourselves at will
and speak out minds
and never talk small and be intuitive
and question mightily and find god
my tortured beacon
we need to find like-minded companions

you loved us more than
we could've love you back
where was your ally your partner
in feminine crime?
oh mother who's your buddy
oh mother who's got your back

for trying to fit a rectangle into a hole
To whom do I owe the biggest apology?
No one's been crueler than I've been to me
I'm sorry to myself
My apologies begin here before everybody else

we need reflection we need
a really good memory
feel free to call me a little more often

you've been nothing but open hearted
and emotionally available and supportive
and nurturing and consummately there for me
I kept drawing you in and pushing you away
I remember how beautiful it was to fall
asleep on your couch and cry in front of you
for the first time you were the best platform from
which to jump beyond myself
what was wrong with me

Well, I wonder which crime is the biggest ?
Forgetting you or forgetting myself...
Had I heeded the wisdom of the latter
I would've naturally loved the former

I thought we'd be sexy together
thought we'd be evolving together
I thought we'd have children together
I thought we'd be family together
but I was sadly mistaken
if I had a bill for all the philosophies I shared
if I had a penny for all the possibilities I presented
if I had a dime for every hand thrown up in the air
my wealth would render this no less severe
I thought we'd be genius together
I thought we'd be healing together
I thought we'd be growing together
thought we'd be adventurous togheter
but I was sadly mistaken
thought we'd be exploring together
thought we'd be inspired together
I thought we'd be flying together
thought we'd be on fire together
but I was sadly mistaken

Ooh this could be messy
But you don't seem to mind
Ooh don't go telling everybody
And overlook this supposed crime

'Cause the joke that you laid in the bed that was me
And I'm not gonna fade
As soon as you close your eyes and you know it
And every time I scratch my nails down someone else's back
I hope you feel it...well can you feel it

We all had our reasons to be there
We all had a thing or two to learn
We all needed something to cling to
So we did

what part of our history's reinvented and under rug swept?
what part of your memory is selective and tends to forget?

Well it's full speed baby
in the wrong direction
There's a few more bruises
if that's the way
you insist on heading

Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
when you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out
when you think everything's gone wrong
and everything blows up in your face

I will suffer the consequence of this inquisition
If I jump in this fountain will I be forgiven?

We all had delusions in our head
We all had our minds made up for us
We had to believe in something
So we did

You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

You grieve you learn
You choke you learn
You laugh you learn
You choose you learn
You pray you learn
You ask you learn

So forgive me love if I cry in your shower
So forgive me love for the salt in your bed
So forgive me love if I cry all afternoon

there are no worries and certainly no pressure
in the meantime I'll live like there's no tomorrow

Soon I'll grow up and I won't even flinch at your name

I can feel so unsexy for someone so beautiful

so unloved for someone so fine
I can feel so boring for someone so interesting
so ignorant for someone of sound mind

these precious illusions in my head
did not let me down when I was a kid
and parting with them is like parting with a
childhood best friend

at that particular moment
I knew staying with you meant deserting me
that particular month was
harder than you'd believe but I still left

and I support you in your trusting
and I commend you for your wisdom
and I'm amazed by your surrender
in the face of threatening forces that I represent

we'd provide forums we'd all speak out
we'd all be heard we'd all feel seen

And you’re like a 90’s Noah.
And they laughed at you as you packed all of your things.
And they wonder why you’re frustrated,
and they wonder why you’re so angry.
And is it just me or are you fed up?

Papa laugh with your princess so that she will find
funny princes familiar.
Papa respect your princess so that she will find
respectful princes familiar.

Why do you say you are spiritual yet
you treat people like shit?

But that is not allowed
you’re uninvited
An unfortunate slight
I don’t think you unworthy
but I need a moment to deliberate.